December 5th, 2005
 senji
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2005/12/05 10:07:00 - Cold Callers
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I've just had a slightly strange conversation with a cold-caller on my mobile. Indifference seems to be a successful tactic.
Me: Hello?
Droid: Hello, I'm phoning from Sleezy Phones Communications∗. I understand you're due to renew your phone contract in a couple of months?
Me: Am I? Oh.
Droid: How large are your phone bills?
Me: Umm, some money.
Droid: Don't you have any idea?
Me: Not really, I just check to make sure they aren't ridiculous and pay them.
Droid: Well, would you like to save a couple of quid a month?
Me: Not really, I'm entirely happy with my current provider.
Droid: But wouldn't you like to save some money? Have an extra couple of pints in the month?
Me: A couple of quid here or there doesn't make much difference.
Droid: It does to some people, it means an extra pint or two.
Me: Well, I suggest you go and talk to some people .
Droid: OK, thank you.
∗ Not their real name, but I didn't really hear that.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://www.pick.ucam.org/~jdamery/lj-mood-icons/millie/crazy.gif) bemused
Entry Tags: cold callers, life
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 stephdairy
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2005/12/05 10:23:57
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It's a terrible indictment of our alcohol-fuelled society when fiscal prudence is measured in pints.
(S)
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 king_of_wrong
![[userpic]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/13556503/2804470)
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2005/12/05 11:57:27
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Not at pub prices, though. "A couple of quid" translates more to "a half of shandy" than "a couple of pints"...
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 enismirdal
![[userpic]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/25731175/1501874)
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2005/12/05 10:26:26
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You are so very very win! :D :D
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 cartesiandaemon
![[userpic]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/119513261/3697876)
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2005/12/05 10:46:36
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LOL!
Of course, I'd find it almost impossible to say "not really" without a full justification of *why* this probably isn't worth my time...
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 simont
![[userpic]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/5503453/615069)
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2005/12/05 11:02:07
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My favourite strategy for dealing with cold callers is "I'm happy to talk to you, but I'm in the middle of cooking dinner right now, so you'll have to take less than thirty seconds, I'm not kidding".
They invariably make a polite apology, promise to call back later, hang up, and never actually do. I like to think this works for the same reason that SAUCE's deferment policy does: spammers simply find it too much effort to keep track of retries, so they treat temporary failures as permanent.
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 kaet
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2005/12/05 11:28:22
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:) I guess you were a bad choice for the number-of-pints-of-beer argument, :).
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 williamjm
![[userpic]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/74368628/4724402)
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2005/12/05 20:18:09
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What the pint was of was unspecified. Presumably Senji could take it to mean "couple of pints of Coke", which is financially slightly more plausible than a couple of pints of Beer.
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senji
![[userpic]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/9632020/856324)
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2005/12/06 12:11:52
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That depends a lot on where you drink. There are one or two pubs in Cambridge who charge more for Coke than any of the Beers on their list.
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kaet
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2005/12/05 11:29:42
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I was amused to find out that the post office are starting to do telephones again. The person behind the counter didn't understand, so I had to explain the history of their employer. I guess this is what being old feels like :).
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senji
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2005/12/05 12:54:24
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I was rather amused by that too; having been fascinated by the "Post Office Telephones" manhole-covers when I was younger.
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 ankaret
![[userpic]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/119544410/3632550)
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2005/12/05 11:37:04
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Oh, that's brilliant.
I wonder whether the 'pints' thing is unisex, or whether someone's going to ring me up and suggest I want to save the price of some eyeshadow and a pair of tights? Actually, they won't, as I have a pay-as-you-go and still haven't used up all the credit it came with when I bought it, but still.
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 claroscuro
![[userpic]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/19600334/984182)
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2005/12/05 11:50:49
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You rock!
On the other hand, it might have been cool to respond to:
Droid: But wouldn't you like to save some money? Have an extra couple of pints in the month?
With
You: Why would I want that? I don't drink.
Or maybe even, if one were feeling more aggressive:
You How about you? You could save a lot of money in a month if you gave up drinking.
Wow. I actually like my own idea. Next time I get a cold caller, I might try some variation of this. Maybe I ought to suggest that what they ought to be trying to save is not 60% of their phone bill, but their immortal souls... :-D
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cartesiandaemon
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2005/12/05 14:42:45
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You: Why would I want that? I don't drink.
Them: Then you *really* need that.
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 dunkyb
![[userpic]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/13176632/2704084)
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2005/12/05 12:06:48
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The problem is that if you dont drink the offer of a couple more pints a month isn't appealing and if you do drink, you know full bloody well that £2 won't get you even a single pint of a decent ale.
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 geekette8
![[userpic]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/87101515/596135)
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2005/12/05 12:10:26
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Hahahah. I got my own version of one of these before:
Droid: Do you have a monthly contract on your mobile?
Me: Yes.
Droid: And how much do you pay each month?
Me: About two quid max, usually.
Droid: Oh, you're on Pay As You Go then?
Me: No, as I said, I'm on a contract.
Droid: .... oh. Bugger. You're on that Orange Value Promise Virgin plan aren't you?
Me: Yep!
Droid: Ah well, then, never mind.
*click*
:-)
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 new_brunette
![[userpic]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/23419924/1966330)
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2005/12/05 14:54:07
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I recently had:
Droid: Hello, this is Customer Service. We're just calling to find out when your contract's up for renewal
Me: If you're Customer Service, you should know. Which company did you say you were calling from?
Droid: *click* *brrr*
(well, it was a metaphorical *brrr* as you don't get a dialtone, but YKWIM)
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